So story time… since i’m homeschooled i don’t get to see my friends a lot. so my parents signed me up to this home school group in August. we get together to go to the park every other Friday to hangout, we have dances… just like a normal school. well my first time i was so scared, afraid no one would like me. but against my fears it turned out really well. about 30 minutes until it was over a car pulled up. I remember when I first saw him. his brown eyes so kind and honest. so full of life. he was nothing like my usual type. which made me like him even more. and when we shook hands and introduced ourselves my hand tingled, it was like he gave me a contact high, and it lasted for days. and when I came down from it, I was broken, longing to see him. counting the days until i saw him next, but he didn’t show. so i waited another two weeks and another. i couldn’t take my mind off of him. i had almost given up when i saw him show up in his work uniform, omw my heart was pounding out of my chest. i made excuse to talk to him or look his way, but i was sure he didn’t like me.
it wasn’t until the dance that i began to doubt. he looked so good dressed up. he asked me to dance several time. each time yes became easier to say. we laughed every time we messed up. he even taught me how to swing dance. he was so patient, even when i stepped on his toes a few times. he told me i looked pretty, i said he looked handsome, we flirted. it was great. but i knew i was no match with these other girls, besides i cant date yet. i knew this but i still couldn’t stop thinking of him. i don’t know what was wrong with me, but it hurt to be away from him and it hurt more to try and push my feelings down.
i’m someone who it is obvious who they like, but i don’t think my friends fully understand how much. but anyway everybody knew i liked him, BUT HIM!!!! it made me so mad, but also so sad, cause i knew i could never tell him. 8 months later i still feel this way, and still cant tell him. it’s even more confusing now because my friend likes him too!!!! i have no idea if he likes me or not. he flirts but it’s nothing different then the usual. y’all have to understand I’m not that pretty, i’m thick and tall and have an athletic build, there is nothing to be desired. but my friend who also likes him is so pretty does ballet so she is skinny and she can date she is also closer to his age. I’m 15 she is 16 and he is 17. but i don’t think he likes her, i mean they have been friends lot longer then him and i but still i dont know.
so the reason i’m telling y’all this is cause i’m kinda confused about how i feel, and i don’t know what to do, so if y’all have advise i would love to hear it.