Bella's Blog

my heart is pounding in my chest,

as the rain pours over me,

I cant move,

I cant breathe,

could it be?

I need to know if what I see was real,

I long for it to be real,

but in my heart I know it cant be,

i’m in a dream,

it has to be,

because only in my dreams did you tell me you loved me,

that you always loved me,

so…no this cant be real,

I will wake up at any point now,

but I don’t… because i’m not asleep,

this is real,

we are in the rain and you told me you loved me,

and it was the rain that we shared our first kiss

I need to be in love,

I need to be needed,

I want to be wanted,

I miss the feeling of soft lips being pressed against my own,

I miss being held like it was the end of the world,

Like nothing else mattered but me…but us,

It hurts to look around and see that so many have that sparkle in their eyes that I so desperately long for,

I pray that they hold on to it… and never let go,

If you do…it may never come back,

Why can’t everything be black and white?

Good and bad,

Why can’t guys wear a sign that says “heartbreaker…beware”?

Why am I alone?

Will I ever find love?

What is wrong with me?

I have cried more tears thinking about those questions then any other,

I’m so done being unwanted, being lonely,

I’m done hurting,

I just long for the answer to my unanswered question,

WHEN

We all remember the poem of Christopher Columbus sailing the ocean blue in 1492. Then discovering North America, which he thought was India, but it turned out he discovered new land. Well before he discovered it, it was sparsely inhabited and had only two permanent civilization, the Hopewell, and the Anasazi civilizations. Spain, France, and Rome dominated the colonization of the Americas.

 There were 13 colonies in North America they were, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia. Theses colonies officially became the United States of America in 1781.

The British made several attempts to stop the growing of the United States, one being the Navigation Acts basically declared that only English ships would be allowed to bring goods into England, so the colonies could only buy and sell to Britain. As we all know this did not sit well for the colonies, and it ended up hurt the British more than helping it.

The United States of America is the most powerful and influential country in the world today. We have come so far. We have abolished slavery; we are all equals in the eyes of the law. We have sports, computers, religious freedom, we even have Ryan Gosling, and Zac Efron. America is doing so well for itself even during this pandemic. I am really excited to see what the future holds for us.

                One way I can better my time is watching less TV. After school I am tiered of thinking or using my brain. So, I watch TV, but let’s say I don’t watch TV after school. I could use the time in a different and more productive way. Such as cleaning the house or preparing supper. Those would more productive ways to spend my time.

         It would also be more productive to get a job done right the first time. If I did a poor job cleaning. I have to come back and do it all over again. It would be so much easier and less time consuming to get it done correctly the very first time, instead of wasting not only my time, but also the time of my family.

        Now I know his sounds a little bit funny, but if I spent the same amount of cleaning that I do in my room from arguing with my parents, the house would always be spotless. When I get in trouble for arguing with my siblings or my parents it is a huge waste of my time and their time. So, if I just control my mouth and get in less trouble I could use that time in a way more productive way.

 

Before I came to Texas and was adopted, I lived in Missouri in a not so good environment. I usually missed school to take care of my siblings Ryan (3) and Sophia (5). One day the school realized I had missed several days at school, so I was forced to go one day. (My house was across the street from my school.) during school while I was at outside playing kickball for P.E. Sophia saw me and began coming towards me. Me and several teachers ran to her when we saw a bus coming. The bus driver did not see Sophia. So, I began to wave my hands to get his attention. He saw me and several teachers waving frantically. So, he began to slow down, but we all saw that he would not make it in time. So, ran even faster and grabbed her right before the bus could get to her. That maybe the scariest day of my life. It seemed like it was all in slow motion, right up until the second I had her in my arms. Not far after C.P.S came to take us away. It was Ryan’s birthday that day. I know I can never forget it.

Living in Texas has its ups and downs. I really miss the snow that Missouri promised every winter. However here it is not too cold to go outside. Two winters ago, in 2018 me and a few of my siblings had a competition on who could make the best fort in the woods with limited resources. The teams were me (12) and my older brother Luke (18) verses my nephew Jaxson (9) and my other older brother Aj (16). Again, this was two years ago right before Christmas. Luke and I got up early every morning to get a head start. We worked every day for hours. We were so excited, because while we worked the other boys were inside watching TV and eating pancakes. I honestly cannot remember how many meals Luke and I missed working on that fort. But it all worked out in our favor. We won that competition by a long shot. We were so proud. It looked like a house you would see if you imagined Indian houses so many years ago, but it worked. We had a fireplace that worked and a door to keep the cold out, while our competition only had the bones of their fort done. I had so much fun that week and even though it was just a fort I felt a little sense of pride.

Since I did spend 10 years of my life in Missouri in a not so kid friendly place, I never got to see the ocean. I always thought it would be beautiful, but I could only imagine and daydream. Until I came to Texas. When my parents heard I had never been to the ocean, they began to plan a vacation to Galveston. I was so nervous and happy; I could hardly wait. For weeks I held my breath in excitement. I already had my bags pact a few days before the trip. The day we left small Nacogdoches to go see the ocean was a wonderful day. In the car my brothers and I sang and ate junk food. Luke even found a way to put me in a headlock, but not even that could ruin my mood. When we finally arrived, I knew. I could smell the salt in the air. We got to our rented beach house. And I saw the ocean. More beautiful than anything I could have imagined. It was perfect. The days we spent there seemed to go by within minutes, but I will always remember the day my daydreams came true.

I was all alone once upon a time,

No one to watch me grow,

No one to hear my cry,

I made the same wish every shooting star,

That a family would love me,

And take me very far,

Every time night came,

I prayed to the man in the moon,

“Please oh please take away my shame,”

Then one day my wish came true,

And the man in the moon,

Brought me to you

I‘m drowning,

Drowning in my pain,

Lost in your teary eyes,

Lost in an image I know can’t be real, the image of you and her, her and you,

I‘m suffocating,

Suffocating in your words,

I can’t focus,

I cant breath,

The whole world is spinning,

So many questions are filling my head,

Why me?

Why her?

How could you do this to me?

You said you loved me, you needed me,

Was that a lie?

Where do I go from here?

I‘m Suffocating, I’m lost, I’m drowning

Have you ever wanted something so much it hurt,

it was close yet so far away, if only you could reach out to touch it, to feel it, to hold it close to you,

but you can’t and you don’t know why, is it fear holding you back? If so fear of what? Is it fear of being hurt, or the fear of being rejected?

Your head is exploding with what-ifs, but the one that sticks out more than any is what if I’m not good enough,

what if I ruin everything by just being me?

I would do anything to know what would happen if I just spoke up about how I feel, but I don’t, so for now I’m letting fear control me,

stopping me from saying the three words I’ve only dreamed of telling you…

I love you

Africa is a very well know content. It is mostly known for its dry lands and for being home to the largest river in the world, the Nile River. We also think of Egypt when we think of Africa. Egypt is the oldest African civilization. It was conquered twice before 500 AD, once by the Persians and again by the Roman Empire. After 600 AD the people of Africa adopted the religion Islam and it is still their religion today, (along with Christianity). Islam is the religion of the Muslims. Where Allah is god and Muhammad is prophet to that god.

Ethiopia is another big African civilization. It is located in East Africa. It currently a Christian style country but was an Arab style country for many years.It is one of the two countries that form the horn on the map of Africa. Ethiopia is quite unique because it is the only African region not governed by an outside country. It is a sovereign nation throughout its entire history, unlike any other African country.

In Central and Western Africa, minor changes occured between 500 and 1750 AD, like the development of more tribal nations, but other than that no major changes were made. Many European nations wanted to colonize parts of Africa to promote slave trades. They also realized that Africa had rich natural resources and soon began to harvest them.

Africa is a beloved continent, not only by those who live there, but also thoses who visit. If you ever decide to visit Africa you should see Abu Simbel in Egypt, or the Giza Pyramids. Both of these are beautiful historical monuments. If you ever have the chance to visit Africa do not pass it up. I guarantee you will be amazed.

                 In order to control my small expenses, I set a goal. Usually that goal involves something that I want. For instance, I have been saving up for a leather jacket. That is my goal, so I do not buy anything until that goal has been reached. So, no buying any small items when I go into the store. I usually leave my wallet in the car in order to avoid temptations. (It really helps that I am not the shopping type.)                                        

I have not been saving for large payment items such as a car, or an apartment. To be honest I never really think about it. I will do my best to change that. I will also be opening a bank account in the next few months so I will not be overwhelmed the amount of money I keep at hand. I usually lend money to friends and family members (because I know they would do the same) by doing so, some minor issues occur. I also never really get it back. So, from now on I will work on trying not lending money.

 When I do begin to save for my large payment items (like a car or an apartment), I will be even more limited to what I buy. I will have a set amount of money I could spend a week… nothing more than decided. By doing this my spending will be more controlled and before I know it my next goal will have been reached